choices... the constant war within

My life is filled with choices from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep... or basically wake up again, and I have the frustrating privilege of being a person who tries to make everybody happy mostly before myself... or in other words...indecisive. My mind is constantly at war with itself between all the choices I am forced to make. We had to write the practice AP essay that was supposedly about war and peace...my mind is never at peace. I am constantly thinking twice about everything. The closest I come to a peaceful mind is when I am asleep, and even then I am debating whether to get up or go to the bathroom or to roll over or anything, even when I am dreaming.

The day before yesterday, I had the biggest debate with one of my friends over what movie we were going to see. I don't know anything about any movies so I wasn't of any really help in the first place, but he still was making me pick. We finally narrowed it down to three movies, and it got to the point to where I gave each movie a random number and made him pick one of the numbers. It gets to that point a lot with me. I should have done that sooner, but what matters is that we finally knew which movie we were going to watch, but it took the longest time for me to assign the movies numbers so I finally gave them the number they had on the show time list (so original I know).

Yesterday, I was at my art competition, and had to decide to go hang out with some strangers who were dancing or just find something else to do. I needed to find something to do there and having them teach me some moves sounded fun to me. So I finally went up to them and asked them if they could show me some moves, and you know what, that was the most fun I have had in the longest time, and the other Belton kids were having so much fun just watching me because they didn't think that I would really do it, but when I did I was actually descent at it.

And even today I had to make a decision of whether or not to take this blog seriously or not because nobody really reads them in the first place much less comments on them, but I chose to do the right thing and take this seriously not only because it was the right thing but mostly because I like my teacher and for the fact that with my luck she would read this one out of all the others she could choose because of Murphy's law and a thing called karma.

live life to the fullest

This week we focused on basically living life to the fullest. We don't know how long we are granted to live so we need to live like its our last day everyday. I just finished my outside reading (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close), and my chosen biography last year was over John Muir, and some even in East of Eden was emphasising the fact that we cant take life for granted. We need to get out and live, actually live. There is a big difference between just existing and actually living. Take advantage of people while you still have them. Don't do something or not do something that you are going to regret. One day too soon they won't be there, and you won't know when that one day will be until its too late. Far too many times have I not known what i had until it was too late, and my only regrets are not spending more time with them while I still had it. These books along with the experiences that have been happening lately have really opened my eyes to exactly how little our time on this earth really is. So you have to use it while you still have it or yoiu will loose it.

sibling rivalry... amplified

This weeks class round table discussion was mainly about either Cathy or Cal and Aron's relationship.

I can relate to Cal and Aron's relationship because i am in a similar situation with Chayne. Both Cal and Aron and Chayne and I are twins and like all siblings we all have our rivalries, and being a twin amplifies the situation of unfair treatment to an extreme level. Being an only twin, there is no excuse a parent should have for treating one noticeably  better than the other. There is no oldest or youngest excuse, twins are always put together as one. Twins are separate but equal. We need to be treated differently because we are in fact two different people contrary to some popular belief, but mainly we need to be treated fairly.

Don't get me wrong. I love being a twin and wouldn't have it any other way. I even want twins of my own; however, from being a twin, I will treat my twins differently (from how my parents treated us). Each person is their own unique self, and needs to be treated accordingly.

first impressions are the lasting impressions

I had my interview with an alumni from Princeton and my first impression meant the world. Princeton is my dream school and it has been for about 7ish  years now, and its been my goal for about 10ish years. So that was the biggest day in my life as of now that I know of.

She said that it would be a "casual" interview... but Princeton's casual is different from Texas casual.
So I decided to go semi-casual (dress pants and a nice shirt). I was told that you only have one chance to make a good first impression, and i take Princeton very seriously. Nobody knows how extremely bad I want to go there. Every time i  have something Princeton related, it completely dominates my mind and i am completely unfunctionable to everything else i still have to do (which honestly has made me behind in over half of my classes). Now pretty much all I have left to do for Princeton is wait...and wait...and wait until March 30 to find out if I made it or not, but i feel that my interview went real well so i might have a bit of an advantage... i hope and pray.

Whenever I got invited to my first high school party (granted it was a birthday party), my mother googled their address and we went there one day after school prior to the party so my mom could meet them and their family, but they nor I  knew that we were coming over. When my friend answered the door, my mother just said, "and you expect me to leave my daughter here when you are wearing a shirt like that" (her shirt said "cereal killer" on it). My friend felt really bad, and my mom told her just to remember exactly how important first impressions are, and to this day i am still surprised that she let me go to the party and stay the night too.

the SAT's on fire !

Bad experience number two out of two SAT experiences.



The first time I took the regular SAT test and I was sick with a 104 degree fever and all the symptoms and was delirious on medicine (I wish I could read my essays, I think they would be very entertaining and interesting).



The second time I took three "SAT subject tests". I have to be officially crazy now. I was in a room at the high school on a Saturday with the only Jordan twins and Mr. Alfored. Mr Alfored was telling me that out of the twelve years he has been administering the SAT subject tests he has only had five people ever take three test (the maximum amount you can take at one time), and they ironically were all girls. He said that I either had to like torture or that I had to be at least half crazy. ... I said a little of both.



To top off my second experience the fire alarm went off right in the middle of all the tests. I thought that things like that only happen in movies, but apparently not. What are the odds of that?...slim and none (and ironically it happened during my math subject test too).



They should be required to ask you prior to signing up for the subject test if you would prefer "to have your brain scrambled or fried".








Well I got it done not because I wanted to but because I needed to and had to and that's all that matters. I survived... and I am going to do it again in May and take the regular SAT test again in March.
... I know, I'm crazy, so I've been told multiple times, but you've got to do what you've got to do.