senior privileges... i'm getting old

I just realized that I am a senior now, and with seniority comes privileges like not having to take any exams and getting to enjoy ourselves while others have to.

With age comes ... freedom.

We, seniors, are on top of the totem pole now. (We have waited out our jail time.)
We are the oldest students in the school now and I am thoroughly enjoying it (except that I like older people).
It finally dawned on me that I am 18 now. I am legal. I am older than all my friends I am around now. I am getting old and what have I accomplished in my 18 years of life except for a whole bunch
of school... nothing (except apparently a mid-life crisis). And life goes on and I just keep getting older. Oh well. I guess I better get to doing things while I still can before I really get old.

making dreams & breaking dreams

This week we got to work on our projects more and fine tune our ideas, but as we all know, we all got a major set back to where we had to put our project on halt. My group wanted to do something for the school's koi pond (and yes we do have a koi pond located behind the ag barn) and after talking with Mr. Hobbs, we came up with writing a grant for replacing the fence and put in a gate out there and having the art club paint it with what they felt was beautiful (with in reason). We originally wanted to put in benches, start a club up to clean and maintain the pond, and paint the fence, but found out that the pond is suppose to be green because that's just the way they are and that the landscaping class maintains the pond but the best thing that we could do would be to replace the fence which actually mad it a lot easier on us. The art club was really excited about our project and we even got Mr. Hobbs to agree to let teacher be able to teach their class in the area for the day every so often so it could be enjoyed by everyone. We had big ideas but... that apparently won't happen; thank you Mrs. Cook we don't appreciate it just coming in and crushing our dreams.

I learned a lot during this project about koi ponds and fencing and writing grants. We had our outline for our grant and even picked out a cute white picket fence and got the prices, but now we can't even continue. I guess I just gained knowledge for future reference but most importantly I also learned some about my group members and built a stronger friendship with them that I otherwise would not have because to be quite honest I probably wouldn't even had talked with  if  I didn't have to.

To my group members: It was fun. I enjoyed working with you and hopefully we can continue our project later or maybe just be partners again.

...beauty can

Beauty is one of the most controversial ideas that humanity has. To each person there is their own version of beauty. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Beauty is only skin deep; true beauty comes from within.

By definition (according to dictionary.com), beauty is

the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).

 

 My definition of beauty is anything that makes a honest smile or laugh and the smile and laugh itself.

 

I am a firm believer in beauty pageants mainly because i participate in them, but those girls especially in big pageants have a lot of influence. I also know that people will strive to have just a little piece of beauty in their lives, and they won't stop at anything and go to the extremes to get it. For this reason, I believe that beauty can change the world no matter what kind of beauty it is.

my crime...my punishment

This week while Mrs. Ramirez was off in Austin enjoying herself we were stuck with Mr. Brock. Thank You Mrs. Ramirez. Mr. Brock... oh Mr.Brock. That's all I am going to say about Mr. Brock However, it was really funny when he called Jamie James (sorry Jamie), and we all had our share of fun talking to him and asking questions. He would threaten us to quit talking or else, and then trun around and ask us a random question, and he did that more than once. I don't understand that man. That's my spill about Mr. Brock.

Anyway, my crime... taking AP English

My punishment... work loads, long books and essays

Because I decided to take AP, I have to write an essay (actually multiple essays) about Crime and Punishment which I still am having trouble following and understanding. Mr Brock agrees with me that it's confusing and hard to follow. ( He even went as far to say that " it isn't worth (pause) poop." I thought that was funny, but I wouldn't go that far because I think that if I understood it I would probably think that it was an okay book.) Crime and Punishment is a forever long book too. Who makes a book with seven parts and seven chapter in each part? Apparently Fyodor Dostoevsky, but what I don't see is why did he have to make it SEVEN parts instead of just two, crime and punishment, with more chapters. I think it would seem shorter if he did it that way. I would think it would be more reasonable that way and actually try to understand it more instead of being like oh well theres always the next part to try and understand.

I use to be a reader, but thanks to AR I now try to avoid reading at all cost, and for some reason this comes as a shock to most people that I don't read. So being forced to read a certain book is truely seen as a form of punishment for me. However, I am just now starting to read for pleasure again, so I am beginning not to mind reading because I have to as much now as I use too.

miscommunication

We seem to be having miscommunication problems. This is why noone can afford to miss out.

Apparently Flannery O'Connor said "I refuse to dwell in poverty." according to Mrs. Hues instead of "I don't do pretty." How she completely mixed that up I can't tell, but I think that I wrote a fairly well written essay on "I refuse to dwell in poverty" though, and was disappointed when I herd that it only counted for a participation grade.

When I first herd that there was miscommunication, it reminded me of the game telephone that I use to play when I was little. The game where there is a bunch of people in a line and the person at the beginning starts by whispering something in the next persons ear only once and it gets passed all the way down the line and the person at the end says aloud what they herd and then the person who started it says what it was suppose to be and see how different they really are. And some how something like "purple people eater" gets turned into "pineapple clippers" or something else completely random or sounds nothing like what it was suppose to be. More often than not it comes out nothing like the original and it never comes out exactly like the first one.

Maybe this is what happen to Mrs. Hues even though she had an email and even had a printed copy to look at. Oh well, I found it comical at least.

The White Tiger's Crime and Punishment

As I was finishing up reading The White Tiger and reading part one of Crime and Punishment, I realized just how similar the two really are. It got really bad when I had to write about Crime and Punishment and got it mixed up with The White Tiger. More than once I had to erase something because it actually didn't happen exactly like that in Crime and Punishment and managed to catch myself before I turned in the paper.

Both start out with the main character being a guy in poverty and their plots to get away with murder, and both end up murdering the people keeping them in poverty as a desperate attempt to get out of poverty and break out of the chicken coop.

As I finished The White Tiger and kept reading Crime and Punishment, I realized that The White Tiger was really only like part one of Crime and Punishment. The major difference being that after part one of Crime and Punishment the rest of the book is solely about the punishment, and in The White Tiger there wasn't really any punishment for him at all and he actually goes up in this world as the guy in Crime and Punishment doesn't really he actually goes down in a way.

First thoughts on Crime and Punishment : it's really confusing and hard to follow but it's getting better.

Last thoughts on The White Tiger : it's a good book and I would recommend anyone read it. ( I actually liked it for once and that says a lot for me. )

the key to an open door

"I was looking for the key for years
But the door was always open"
-The White Tiger

This quote caught my attention ever since the first time I read it, and it was repeated a couple times after that too.  Each time I read it, I had to stop and think about it and I interpreted this quote differently each time I read it. The one interpretation that I kept thinking about the most was about the key to a persons heart. I thought it could be talking about a person who liked someone and was always trying to make the other person like them back, but secretly they always liked them back and was trying to make that person fall for them too, each not knowing that the other already liked them the way they are. This is stereotypical for a lot of songs, movies, books, and I personally have even been a victim of this misfortune.


A couple years ago, I liked this guy but I didn't think he liked me back. He use to always cut in front of me in the lunch line and ask me how I was, and I just thought he was using me to get his food quicker (like a typical teenage guy). However, he did seem to be honestly asking how I was doing and always asked if I was okay if I missed a day, but I never met a guy that wasn't decent at acting. Well, one day one of my friends was behind me talking with me, and he came up like always, and she ask me if we were going out in a subtle way. When he finally caught on to what she was asking, he straight out told her "No, I'm not good enough; I'm too lazy for her." I was in shock at what he just said. I couldn't believe it, I didn't want to believe it. Finally, after a couple of minutes I told him "you're not too lazy, you just never tried". And so the story goes, not even a month later he tells me one afternoon that he wouldn't be there the next day or ever because he was moving, and just leaves. He just left me without even saying good bye, and that was the end of that.


We were searching for the keys, but the doors were wide open. We just never tried. You have to try the door first before you try and pick the lock or go looking for the key. Believe it or not, some things are just that simple. There are a lot more open doors than you think, you just have to try them and see what you find, and don't miss your opportunities.

Is It Just Me...?

Is it just me or were we only really assigned 8 blogs and suppose to have 9? I am under the impression that only eight blogs were assigned and then turn around and now we need nine when we are only suppose to have eight. In fact I am convinced that we were only suppose to have 8 because we are only given 1 a week, so I guess this blog is for next week so Mrs. Ramirez can get them in by the end of the nine weeks. If anyone actually had nine honest blogs please let me know so I can figure out what it is that I am missing so I can make it up and actually have nine honest blogs then. If you are in my shoes too, please comment also so I don't feel as bad about missing one.

Freedom and Nature of Humans

"Free people don't know the value of freedom, that's the problem." This is the quote from White Tiger that has  stuck with the closest, so far. We were raised "free" but all we can see is all our restrictions. For this, I give the credit mostly to how we were raised. We don't know what we never learned, and we didn't learn what we weren't taught (whether by our own doings or by others). People are so blinded by their own situations and circumstances that they can't even see outside their own little worlds, and half the time they are completely unaware of their surroundings. If people would only open one eye and see that they have it good, they could help others that don't. That goes against what they were taught though, to fend for themselves and take care of them only. We are so stuck in our one little spot that we don't even notice the world passing by us. We take so much for granted. We take our freedom for granted. Sadly, most of us won't realize this at all unless they are ripped away from it. You never know what you have until it's gone. I was taking where I live in the country for granted for the longest time until just recently when I was with my friend who lives in town. We were at their house and they mentioned that they never really ever seen stars, only airplanes. So one night I asked them to take me home for once and they did. When we got out at my house, I told them to look up. They got so excited; the expression of joy on their face was so convicting to me. Now every night, I look up at the sky and say "Thanks" to God for blessing me with the stars that no one else seems to see. Take advantage of what you once were taking for granted. Don't wait until it's too late.

being on top

I chose to read White Tiger for my outside reading. It's about an entrepreneur in India and story to the secrets of his success. I can relate with Belram's (the main character) background to an extinct and I agree with his philosophy. He started out small and built himself up by himself and made a name for himself, and that's what I am having to do. He considers himself "half-baked" since he didn't finish school, and in a way I am still half-baked because I am not finished with school yet, but I will eventually be fully cooked in school but still half-baked in life because I will never stop learning. Even though he didn't finish school, he couldn't be any more right when he said that no person remembers his schooling like one who didn't finish it. You go to school for 12 years and then go to a university for 3 years and then get a job where you have to wear a suit and are still under somebody else. Self taught is the best kind, and if you are a self taught entrepreneur you are on top, there is no one  above you. You have to find your own way that's best for you and live your own life. You have to your own things (or in Mr. Rasco's stock market watch, stocks) and not copy someone else because if you do, you will always be one step behind your information and almost never pass them and get ahead.

behind the cover

I know that you are not suppose to judge books by their covers but that is the sole reason that I chose the book i did for this reading project to be quite honest with you. I chose White Tiger by Aravind Adiga simply because I liked the title. I wanted a book that was more on the uplifting side, and I LOVE cats in general but especially white tigers (lucky for me that our school's mascot is a tiger). So just by the cover titles of the books the choice was clear for me; in fact, it was so clear that I didn't see any other options. It is the only book that pounced out at me from the list and I have my mind set on it going to be a good book for me. So I bet you all can guess which book I ended up getting. Yes, White Tiger, obviously. In fact, I am not alone. I have had others come and tell me that they too have picked books, especially this book in particular, just because they liked the cover. I do believe that judging a book as a good book by its cover can help your outlook on it as a whole because if you are determined that it will be a good book, your mind will probably make it a good book for you. However, if you are doubting if it will be good or not, giving it the benefit of the doubt and not judging it is probably the best way to go so you won't already have the mind set that it's not going to be good, and then you can enjoy it more than if you judged it as a not so good book. Because it is in fact what's behind the cover that counts.

bundels of burdens

In " The Free Radio", Ramani had more than just his rickshaw full of burden because of how blind he was. It made me deeply check myself to see if I have been blind sighted  by things, especially burdens, and i found out that lately I have been playing Atlas with the WHOLE world on my shoulders. Once you do get a certain amount of burdens you cant carry them any more and have to do something, anything, and normally that anything involves moving. Once i realized this my life and way of thinking lately started making a whole lot more sense, but that's just the type of person i am. If i didn't care about the world, i wouldn't be me. Yes, it is a heavy load to bear, but someone has to bear it in this generation and they have to know how and be able to handle it. You have to know when to keep hold, let go, and let God take control.

Fairy Tale Reality Check

"Fat is Not a Fairy Tale" by Jane Yolen I believe is a reality check for not only fiction but also for everyone who reads it. Now "fat" is the reality for most everyone whether you personally have that problem or not. It would seem less of a fairy tale if the princesses were more of a realistic size, and in today's society i am sad to say that fat is realistic. Almost no woman is satisfied with the size she is. No one will write a fairy tale that has a fat princess though because if she were fat she wouldn't be perfect then and fairy tales are designed to be perfect. The perfect people in their perfect world encounter the perfect problem and everything goes perfectly fine for them and they end up having the perfect ending, the end (I better stop now before i really start sounding like a Bob Ross with all his "happiness" and all my "perfect"ness). Fat is not perfect so fat simply doesn't fit. I see fat as a choice for the majority, but i do realize that there is a select group that can't do anything about their weight. However, it is under most of our control if you honestly try hard enough, and it is becoming a serious problem. Since it is so common now, it is now being accepted, but it is dangerously unhealthy. Choose to maintain a healthy lifestyle and help the fairy tales be less fictional and more functional, like a realistic goal to reach.

But we are all people, just people... perfectly imperfect us.
 Everyone has flaws; no one is perfect.
Our bodies are our own temples, use them or loose them. Your body is your own body, do what you want to with it.
Reality is not a fairy tale, but it possibly can be.

MAJOR writers block

So today in English class we did this thing called "writers block" and i will be the first to tell you that i did catch a major case of writers block during that time which is extremely unnatural for me. Actually, i still have my major case of writers block apparently because i am writing about not being able to think of anything to write about because i couldn't think of anything else to write about except this. Did that make any sense at all? So during class i finally decided to TRY and write a story with all the words or phrases, but i only just got started good and then i had to leave so i cut it short. I like it though so i think i will work on it more in my free time and see what i come up with, but here is what i got so far.
           Through an open door there is a dark room. In that dark room there is nothing. Nothing except a single writing desk with a single reading lamp on it. A single reading lamp being the only source of dim light in that dark room. A single reading lamp being the only source of dim light in a dark house, in a dark world, in a dark life.
           Under that single reading lamp there was a single sealed envelope. I lifted that envelope up to the reading lamp to see what lay inside. Seeing inside the envelope I could not. So i opened it. Inside that envelope there was a single piece of blank paper. Blank paper withe ragged edges. There was so much on that blank paper, yet nothing at all. Lost in that blank paper is history. Lost in that blank paper could be anything. Lost in that blank paper is everything.

stranger than fiction-the facts

 In "The Nature of Storytelling", despite the fact that I didn't really like O'Brien's "How to Tell a True War Story" , I personally thought he hit the nail on the head when he was describing truth verses reality. it is like he was stealing my words on that subject. What stuck out to me probably the most is when he says,"a thing may happen and be a total lie; another thing may not happen and be truer than true". You don't even know how close i hold that statement. What is true to me isn't true to most others, and even if it is true to them it would only be partially true to them. I believe that your truth is like your life, it is unique for every person.   If you were to physically lose everything, the one thing you would still have no matter what is your beliefs, and if you lose those... well, life is no longer worth living then. So, guard your truths closely and live your own life. Don't ever regret or degrade what you believe in because it is you.

Storytelling

When I think of storytelling, I think of a wide variety of things; however, there is one very distinct personal experience of mine that sticks out the most. When my brother and I were little kids (before kindergarten) our mother would always take us to "story time" at the library, and we would have to go to a room with a bunch of others our age and the "storyteller" leaving our parents behind. I was attached to my mom. So... that didn't go over well at all. I made up  my mind that  I did not like it there, did not like the "storyteller", and was not going to go. I wanted to stay with my mommy. I ended up being torn away from my mom, carried in there, and stuck next to the "mean lady" as I called her. I decided that this wasn't going to go over at all; so, I sneaked out of the room when she was distracted with some other little kid to go looking for my mommy. That's what she gets for leaving the door half open. Anyway, I got lost. When I  was walking around the office rooms, a lady saw me and came out and took me back to the room and shut the door behind me. After that, we never came back, or I was not really allowed to come back or something like that. So that is my experience with storytelling.